Hi..:) its been a really long time i was myself...cudnt come back to post smthing here..

some quick updates...

m an employee of Deloitte US India Office..training in hyd these days.

Hmmmmmm...its good..its bad..its fun...its 'it'...lolz...

i really have no clue of wats happening these days...

but it has been fun!

learning ABAP and its one of a languauge!!!!! Gosh! soooo smart n at times just so dumb! But its fun!

Got a new place to live...new room mate(who s not mansee :(....) ...new frnds...a boss..rather many boss's for the First Time!!! lolz..

Day 2 in office..i found myself lost for more than an hour thinking of an old project i worked on with mansee n taru..."Daughters of God" Some projects become a part of our lives...n m so sure i wont let this one go so easily! ;) looking forward to invading Deloitte with a new version of this project! :p

Just wanna end by qouting from one of my poems...

"Khudke hi samay me hum...aise kaise uljhe..

ki khudko pehchaanna..mushkil ho jaata hai...

jitni baar aayine me dekha..ek naya ateet nazar aata hai...

Itni baar badalte badalte.....voh pehla chehra kho jaata hai..

kabhi sudharna..kabhi bigadna.....kuch mere andar jhutlata hai..

ache bure kaise hai hum.....samajh nahn ab aata hai...

aise hi kisi pal me aakar.....

waqt sunn ho jaata hai..."

Chalo...:)

Things change..very very fast..n change is good! :)

This one could not make much sense to me...while writing it...i started with nowhere...n stopped when i dint get anything more flooding inside. This one just happened...:)

Now it makes sense to me...;)

There is not one world, there are many..

there is but one me..however tini mini :p

May be its just my world, the rich n d poor have their own..

I dont like it when pple die, their world vanishes forever unknown..

I wish they keep a diary, more true than i do..

So when they leave their worlds to die, the world knows wat they knew

My world's too busy, though pple in it are few..

Ur world..how different is it?!? i wish i knew!

A father has a lot to do..i cant know it all..but i have always tried...to put myself in my fathers shoes..nt to be a son..but to be a good daughter

Wat does a father think..want..when his daughter says him she loves someone..? Why does his instinct deny the proposal? I dont know..but i have tried hard to know it..thru this poem..

बेटा दर लगता है...........

तू भूख से रोती थी तो, सुन न पाता था,

उन नादान आसुओं से भी, जी घबराता था ।

तुझे झूले पर अकेला, छोड़ न पाता था,

गिर गयी तो क्या होगा, सहम जाता था।

तेरे school तेरे teacher, कई बार बैठकर चुना था,

छोटी से तेरी बातें, चुपके चुपके सुना था।

तेरी पहली सहेली को पाता है, खुद मैंने भी परखा था,

भरोसा था बेटा तुझपर, बस तेरी दुनिया से डरता था।

भरोसा देखले आज भी, कम नहीं हुआ है,

पर बेटा तू भी देख जरा, ये सवाल कितना बड़ा है।

तेरा भरोसा उस नए लड़के पर, सरान्खों पर, पर बेटा वो लड़का है

लड़का था मैं भी कभी, इसलिए दिल मेरा डरता है।

तेरा कहना सब अच्छे है वहां, बेटा अभी सब अच्छा लगता है

समझ इसे की बस एक बार, बेटी का कन्यादान होता है।

तू रोई आज तक मेरी ऊँगली पकड़कर, कभी सीने में मेरे सर छुपाया,

बेटा विदाई तक है कन्धा मेरा, फिर तो मैं भी तेरा हुआ पराया।

नहीं डरता दुनिया से रे, बस तेरी ख़ुशी को तरसता हूँ

आज बहुत रुला रहा तुझे, विदाई के बाद के आसुओं से डरता हूँ।

शायद मैं नहीं समझ रहा, शायद समझा नहीं पा रहा,

माफ़ करना बेटा मुझे, तेरा पापा तुझे रुला रहा॥

20/04/2008

I feel connected

I feel connected..

when m falling asleep..when m waking up..

when my thots are lost..n i find something

when the clock ticks symmetry..i feel time

when i know u..n ur thoughts

when i know the future is..close enough to the past

when i miss a moment..i know had happened

when i think more..than i can explain

when i judge myself..still see reason

when i think things..ll be thot of soon

when i know thinking is..as important as doing

when my heart wants trust..n i cant help but trust

when the crowd s screaming..n i do poetry

with lights turned off..

no canvass..no color..n i paint life

when my dreams usually make sense..

n i know when they dont

when i see a flower n i want to cry..

when i see u cry..n think of ur smile

when a deja vu..remains incomplete

when every sound..is as beautiful as the best

when crying makes my life beautiful..

and laughing makes me want to cry!

coming soon...may be :p

I like poems...they reflect a lot...about two people...first..the poet..n second me..
I like writing poems too...most of them are written in less than twenty mins...if a poem crosses this deadline it generally remains incomplete forever...lol
My frnds often suggested me to share my poems more often..i feel possesive abt them...nt scared of nybody using them...just scared of anybody getting the wrong meaning out of them...I dont know many poets...but as far as i m concerned...it hurts when pple dont "get it"..or when pple try find good n bad about them...i dont think my poems were written for critics...they were just written...for no purpose...though posting them on a blog like this ll add purpose
I m trying to post them here soon...

Mumma always knew :(

Deep into the night...when i give up trying to sleep...and when my stomach starts making noises...i have this craving..to cook something! Anything...may be my fav poha recipie appreciated only by me n papa...or fry some chuda with bhujiya n share it wid papa over a typical bollywood movie from 80's...or may be maggi...in some disastrous new flavours n have it with tarun so that we could fight over the last bite!!!. LOL...i used to try my level best to clean the kitchen and utensils..so that mumma dint come to know in the morning...but she ALWAYS knew!!!

5 mins before midnight..i left the room..walked down the corridor to my fav window..and sung to myself..."Happy Birthday to me..Happy Birthday to meee...Happy birthday dear Ridhima...no no...chullu...Happy Birthday to meee...!!!" i felt a loneliness that moment...though i left the room to stay alone..my eyes turned watery..n i said myself i do not want to expect nything grand. i forced a smile...and soon i was smiling effortlessly...:)

It was the most beautiful birthday...pampered like a person...like a baby...like a young girl...I started to weep more than once...it felt like a dream. I have had a phobia of birthdays...of them turning out sad...so i always try to keep up my spirits...i start planning...bothering my friends wid my demands for more than a week b4 my bday...lolz...i asked for a baby tub one year...a cane chair the other...and this time for a huuuuge teddy bear on whom i cud just fall and sleep...lolz...i really wanted each one of this stuff...but i was never serious abt them buying it for me..This time they did...got me a bunny...!!!!!! who wud nt have wept...nything that i mistakenly said i wanted over the past yr...they got it for me...on my birthday! I ate pastries wid a bit of guilt ;) n one of my frnds showered me wid gifts...lol..hand made card..ganpati...all the stuff put in perfect harmony to make me weep!
i guess as m growing...my craving for a good birthday is increasing...God has been good...! it was like subconsciously planning ur own birthday ;)...well there s one more gift i m looking forward too...smthing i want more than the bunny this moment...fingers crossed! Happy Birthday to me till then :)